


Please Look At Me

by odetoptg



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M, kpop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:16:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24417997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odetoptg/pseuds/odetoptg
Summary: Yuto was as cold as ice when it came to anyone. He was self centered, he never let anyone beneath the surface of himself. He never thought he would fall for anyone so quickly, but here comes bright, bubbly Kang Hyunggu. Yuto never wanted to fall for him, but he'd quickly find that wasn't how things were going to work out for him. Once he fell, he was too far down to recover, but he ran away, only to find that wasn't the right move.
Relationships: Adachi Yuto/Kang Hyunggu | Kino
Kudos: 27





	Please Look At Me

Hyunggu sighed and laid his head against his friend’s shoulder.  
“Have you talked to him lately?” Hui asked carefully, softly as to not upset his friend more than he was already feeling.   
“He won’t answer my texts. Every time I go to his apartment, he isn’t there or he won’t answer the door. He talks with Wooseok, and I asked Wooseok to talk to him about it. Yuto won’t bring it up or answer. He brushes it off and moves on. I don’t know what to do about it anymore, you know? I don’t know why he is giving me the cold shoulder. I didn’t do anything wrong I don’t think… If I did, I don’t know what.” Hyunggu felt like he could cry right now. 

Hyunggu and Yuto have been dating for almost a year now. Yuto wasn’t used to dating anyone, especially someone like Hyunggu. As cliche and cheesy as it sounded, they were complete opposites. Hyunggy was such a bright, bubbly person. He brought happiness and smiles wherever he went. He found the good in every situation. He never missed a moment to make someone smile. He never had a frown on his face ever. Yuto was the opposite. He was a cold man. He didn’t like to show his emotions. He always had a poker face and kept his feelings to himself. He could care less about other people’s feelings and he didn’t give anyone the time of day except his family and his best friend Wooseok. They couldn’t be more different. Hyunggu loved so many happy things. He loved animals, he loved nature, he loved bright things in life. Yuto didn’t. He liked more personal things, like music and creating it in his own style without other influence. He would never see himself liking someone like Hyunggu. When he first met him, he didn’t even think about him as someone he would get along. However, in his way, Hyunggu changed Yuto’s view of him. Yuto began to realize that he was such a happy spirit and he really brought light to Yuto’s life that he didn’t know he needed. Hyunggu tried his hardest to get Yuto to see his point of view and change his a little bit. Yuto wanted to and he really tried for Hyunggu, but it didn’t always work out for him. He wasn’t as happy-go- lucky. He didn’t see the world the same way as Hyunggu did and he was a little upset. He tried his hardest but Hyunggu would have to try harder to get him to think differently. Hyunggu knew that there wasn’t much more he could do. He loved Yuto and he saw a different side of him every so often, but Yuto often gave him the cold shoulder, not on purpose and it wasn’t personal, but Yuto needed his space sometimes and he told Hyunggu that. Hyunggu tried to respect that but it was hard. 

He didn’t like that. He wanted to be with Yuto as much as he could. He knew he was clingy and Yuto used to like that but more recently, he didn’t. He started to get a little annoyed with Hyunggu. He would push him off sometimes and Hyunggu would often cry to his best friend, Hui. He didn’t understand why Yuto would act that way to him. Maybe it was because Yuto wasn’t used to someone acting so loving towards him, but Hyunggu was just trying to show him how much he cared about him. Maybe Yuto didn’t want that. That was what scared Hyunggu. But it was just every so often he would push him away and a couple days later, he would be okay again. He didn’t understand Yuto sometimes, but he still loved him nonetheless. 

But now, it has been over a week without any word from Yuto. Hyunggu had texted him a couple of times every day, just to ask him how he was doing and that he loved him, but Yuto would never answer. Hyunggu didn’t know what else to do. He asked what Hui would do, and it wasn’t the answer he wanted of course. Hui told him that he should just let Yuto come to Hyunggu, that Yuto would come around when he was ready. Maybe he was going through something mentally or emotionally. Of course, when Hyunggu heard this, his mind tried to think positive but it immediately jumped to the conclusion that Yuto was considering breaking up with him. He couldn’t think like that, maybe Yuto just needed his space and he would leave him alone until Yuto came to him. 

Now, it has been two weeks and Yuto hasn’t really spoken to Hyunggu. He didn’t know why, honestly. He didn’t feel like himself. He had been thinking about Hyunggu and about their relationship. He wasn’t confused about it, he knew he cared about Hyunggu, but he felt like he was a burden to him. Hyunggu had been trying so hard to pull him out of his shell, to get him to be a little happier and to be more into their relationship, but Yuto just wouldn’t get on board. Hyunggu was tired of trying and Yuto could tell, but Hyunggu loved him which he could see as well. He wasn’t really sure what to do and instead of talking to Hyunggu, he stayed to himself and stayed inside of his own head. He wasn’t sure what to do. He knew one thing though; he needed to talk to Hyunggu and now. 

When he tried though, he had gotten the same treatment. Hyunggu wouldn’t talk to him. He hadn’t answered him in a couple days. Yuto did the same thing, so he wasn’t so surprised, but he thought Hyunggu would be happy about him talking again. He had to think, he needed time to himself, and he told Hyunggu that. Maybe he should have at least texted him back every so often, but he couldn’t get out of his own head long enough to. Now, he was getting the cold shoulder and he couldn’t help but beat himself up about it. He shouldn’t have treated Hyunggu that way because this sucked, this hurt. He felt himself hurting and he could only imagine what Hyunggu went through. He started getting desperate at this point. He missed Hyunggu’s smile. He missed the sunshine he carried with him everywhere. He missed his warmth that surrounded Yuto’s heart every time he saw his smile or heard his laugh. He missed holding his hand lazily as he worked in his studio, Hyunggu not minding the two not talking. He missed his boyfriend so much and he was scared that his overthinking was going to cost him. He was scared that Hyunggu was tired of the way he acted. He was horrified to think he could lose Hyunggu and in that moment, he made a promise to himself that he would change for the better. He would be more open, try not to be so cold, especially to Hyunggu. 

After what felt forever, but it was only two weeks, Yuto finally broke down. He was going to find Hyunggu. He was going to talk to Hyunggu. He was going to make things right. He was going to prove his love to him and that he was ready to do whatever it took to make their relationship work. He knew he fucked up, but he prayed Hyunggu would give him another chance. He tried his apartment first, but came up empty handed. He tried Hui’s place, and again with the same result. Hui told him that he hadn’t seen him in a while. He tried to think of where else to check. He didn’t want to go to his family’s house, and he had a feeling he wasn’t there. After he drove around for a while, he decided to try and go back to his apartment to get his head on straight. When he got there, he saw Hyunggu sitting in his living room, arms crossed over his chest. He didn’t look happy and he almost looked like he wanted to kick Yuto’s ass. Honestly, he wouldn’t blame him. 

“Hyunggu..” Yuto breathed quietly, almost in relief to see his boyfriend again, at least he hoped he was still his boyfriend.   
“Yuto, I only came here to tell you that I-” Yuto didn’t want to interrupt him but he had to. 

“No, please let me go first. I don’t even know what to say if I am going to be honest. I want to be honest with you about the last couple of weeks. I know that I fucked up. I know that I messed up with you and you probably don’t want to be with me anymore and I understand if this is the end for us. If this isn’t what you want, I understand. If you’re tired of trying for me, I get it. I hope you’re not, god, I pray you aren’t. I love you, Hyunggu. I know that I have been a terrible boyfriend. I didn’t know what to do, I had never been in a relationship like this before with someone like you. You’re so happy and so bubbly and you’re walking sunshine all the time. You make things so much brighter, you make people so happy and that smile of yours, that’s my favorite sight in the entire world. I never want to see you upset and not smiling, and right now that’s killing me. We both know that I am somewhat of the complete opposite. I’m hardly ever that happy or bubbly, I never show what I am really feeling, I keep to myself way too much and I just push people away. That’s what I was doing this whole time, these last couple of weeks and days. I needed time to myself because I needed to evaluate what I was feeling, how I was feeling, and how to fix it to where I could be who you want me to be without you being disappointed. All I want is you. All I want is to make you happy. I know I’ve done the complete opposite, and all I want is to fix it. I love you, so much. I’ve never felt like this before and now more than ever I realize I need to change for you, I need to make sure you know how much I love you and care about you and I can change, I can. I just need you to give me the opportunity.” Yuto finally stopped, breathless and tears in his eyes as he stared at Hyunggu. He wasn’t looking at him. Hyunggu was staring at his lap, not making any movement to look at his boyfriend. It was silent for a few minutes, the two of them not making any move towards one another or a sound. Finally, Yuto was going to break down. 

“Hyunggu, please.” His voice was already breaking as he kneeled down on the ground in front of him. He tried to make eye contact with him, but every time he did, Hyunggu would look away from him. Yuto was heartbroken. “Hyunggu, please.. Please look at me.” He whispered, barely audible. Hyunggu closed his eyes and that was it, Yuto thought. Yuto knew that it was over. He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know what to think. All he could do was cry. Hyunggu had never seen Yuto cry before, never. But now, he was crying like he just lost the most important thing in his life, and to Yuto, he did. He didn’t think he could take it, losing Hyunggu was like losing his own life. He loved him more than he could describe and he knew it was too late. It was too late for him to fix things. He was completely heartbroken and he could barely get a hold of himself. After a few minutes of Yuto crying into Hyunggu’s lap, he slowly stood up, wiped his eyes and let out a shaky sigh.   
“I’m so sorry I wasn’t what you wanted. I’m sorry I let it get this far without trying to fix it. I’m too late, and.. I understand. If you want to go, you should. Whatever you feel like you need to do. I can stay away for awhile if you need me too.” Yuto whispered, looking down at his feet and shuffling them slowly. Hyunggu didn’t know what to say and he almost didn’t have any words to let out. His heart was just as broken as Yuto’s, but he couldn’t bring himself to say what he wanted. He came over to tell him something completely different, but now he was completely reconsidering. He takes a deep breath and just stands up. He looks over at Yuto and kisses his cheek softly. “Take care of yourself Yuto. Take some time to think, that’s what I’m doing. I’m not saying it’s over but I won’t say we are together, either.” Hearing those words broke Yuto’s heart but he just nodded slowly. “Alright”, that was all Yuto could say. Hyunggu didn’t say anything else and walked out of Yuto’s apartment, heart broken and the tears threatening to fall from his eyes. He held himself together until he got home, but as soon as Hui asked him if he was okay, he broke down in his arms. 

“Hey, hey what’s going on?” Hui was unaware that Hyunggu had gone to Yuto’s to talk to him, so seeing his best friend like this really did pull at his heart strings more than he could ever be able to describe. “Hyunggu calm down, what happened?” Hyunggu was crying his eyes out, body shaking, trembling with immense feeling. He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t stand, he could barely breathe. Hui knew it was bad, whatever it was. He helped him to his bed and laid with him until he calmed down enough to be able to tell him what happened. He hoped that it was nothing too serious because with Hyunggu, he cried a lot, but never like this. After about an hour of Hyunggu crying and just trying to calm himself down, he took a deep breath and laid his head on his pillow, staring up at the ceiling.   
“Yuto apologized. Yuto told me why he wasn’t answering. He told me that it wasn’t because of me. He said he needed time to think about it because he was never that happy before. He loves me and wants to be with me, but he would completely change himself however I wanted to.” Hyunggu whispered hoarsely to Hui, who gave him a bit of a confused look. He didn’t understand. 

“Isn’t that a good thing, though?” He asked a bit intrigued as to why he was crying so hard over this.   
“Yes, Hui that’s a very good thing.” He sat up slowly and rubbed his eyes, shrugging. “It’s a good thing in theory, at least.”  
“What do you mean?” 

“Well,” Hyunggu started, playing with his hands a bit, “It’s a good thing that he is willing to change for me. It’s a good thing he is so quick to do something for me that would in turn cause him to completely change himself. He wants us to work out so much that he will change himself completely. But, I don’t want him to do that. I love him just the way he is. Sure, he could maybe work on opening up a little bit more and not going MIA every time he has a problem, but I love him. I love how he isn’t as happy and bubbly as I am all the time. I love that he keeps to himself sometimes and makes you work to get him to talk. I love the way that he shows the other side of himself to me when no one is around, but he still figures out ways to show me he loves me. I love him. I love him the way he is, I just need him to work on a couple things.” Hyunggu could feel himself smiling at the thought of Yuto. Hui saw the smile on his face, and nodded slowly, patting his back.   
“If that’s the case, then why are you crying?” He asked carefully, he didn’t want him to start crying all over again. Hyunggu paused and sighed softly, placing his hands in his lap. 

“Because I realized how much I hurt him by doing what I did. I realized how much hurt he really does keep buried deep inside of him. I realized how much he truly loves me, and how much he wants to be with me. But I didn’t say anything. I just sat there. I didn’t look at him, I didn’t say a word. He thinks we are breaking up because I didn’t say anything. He thinks I hate him and want things to be over, and instead of reassuring him, I just walked out. He probably is at home crying his eyes out, too. Today was the first time I saw him cry and it was because he thought he was losing me. If that doesn’t show how much he loves me, I don’t know what will.” Hyunggu sniffled as he said those words and immediate realization hit him. He couldn’t lose Yuto either. They had some bumps in the road, they had things they needed to work out. It wouldn’t always be rainbows and sunshine. It wouldn’t always be gray clouds and rain. But no matter what, they’d always have each other. They’d always be in each other’s corners when they needed them and show them how much they love one another. It was at this moment that Hyunggu knew what he needed to do. 

“Go to him.” Hui said softly and nudged his best friend. “Go back to his apartment and tell him how you feel. Tell him what you just told me, and make sure he knows. Make sure that Yuto understands how you feel, what you want from this, and how you two can make it work. He loves you, and you love him. You two will work it out, now go on.” Hyunggu smiled and hugged Hui tightly before hopping out of bed and making his way right back to where he just came from. 

He didn’t even bother with the door, busting it open and walking into the apartment. As soon as he walked in, he saw Yuto still sitting in front of the couch, head in his hands, crying about losing the closest thing to pure happiness in his life. He didn’t know what to do and was heartbroken. Hyunggu was already on the verge of tears when he saw this and he didn’t even announce himself. He just closed the front door and ran to Yuto, throwing himself into him and wrapping his arms around him tightly, burying his head into him. 

“Hyunggu?” Yuto asked carefully, confused as to why he was there again so soon after what happened. He wouldn’t complain, but he also wasn’t too quick to move his arms back around him. He had thought this whole time that they weren’t together anymore. He thought Hyunggu had broken up with him and that was it, there was no more of them being in a relationship. He was confused, but he wanted to wait to ask Hyunggu about it. Hyunggu sighed, just tightening his grip before looking up at him.   
“I shouldn’t have walked out on you like that. I shouldn’t have just walked out and let you think I didn’t care or I didn’t want to be with you. I let my emotions get the best of me. Hearing you pouring your heart out like that, hearing you say you would change for me no matter what it took to make our relationship work, it was too much for my heart to bear, honestly. I love you. I don’t want you to change, I just want us both to work on things that we both need to work on, together. I always want you in my corner. I always want to be able to call you mine and hold your hand while you write, and lay with you when you’re restless at night, and have you comfort me when I get scared, and whatever else comes our way. I love you too much to just let you go, and I know you do too. We both love each other, and I want us to be together. I want us to work through this. Can we please do that?” He looked up at Yuto, who was just staring around and not at Hyunggu. Hyunggu could feel tears fill his eyes.   
“Look at me, Yuto, please?” He had just given him his entire heart on a platter, let all of his vulnerability out, and now Yuto wasn’t making eye contact with him, but he was holding him close to him still. Finally, Yuto looked down at him, bringing his hand up to cup Hyunggu’s cheek.

“Hyunggu, I love you so much. I love you too much to let you go. I will do whatever we need to do to make this work. I will work on my issues with myself. I will work on not pushing you away when I need you and when you need me. I’ll make sure to be the boyfriend you expected me to be, and I promise that no matter what, I will always love you. Always.” Yuto whispered to him, and Hyunggu could feel his heart beating out of his chest and all he could do was nod.   
“I love you.”   
Yuto leaned down, holding his boyfriend in his arms for the first time in weeks and kissing him like it was the last time he would ever be able to. He let all of the feelings he had been holding in for the last couple of weeks out as he kissed him, and the two men knew that no matter what happened, as long as they had one another and loved one another, everything was going to be fine.


End file.
